I Really Miss You...

While listening to the song Lord, I Give You My Heart, tonight I felt that my deep feeling for Him has grown back to the previous years.

It was back few years ago that I was baptized, oh no… actually it’s almost 9 years this coming December.
I remembered all the good things and ministries that I’ve got back then. Singing, reading His Words, 3 years Bible class to comprehend my Catholicism better. I love those times, they were like the best time ever in my life.
But then, the things have changed drastically when I got married, moved to this country, and had a child.
Of course change is a part of life that can’t be avoided. But the adaptation included lesser activities like the way it used to be.
At first, I really didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t have my band rehearsal, I couldn’t have my singing session with my prayer group’s members, I couldn’t go too far or too long for prayer meeting or other meetings related to the ministry, because I need to take care of my baby on my own.
I know that family is the priority of our ministry. It won’t be easy, let say our ministry is perfect outside but inside our own family, we couldn’t manage.. I don’t think it’s a good example, though…
So, without any other choice left besides my writing and passion to love God with all my heart, my abilities, my talents that come from Him, I dedicated most of my time taking care of my baby and writing as my ministry.

It’s not easy to choose this way. But this is my choice! At first, I couldn’t cope well. I used to be a very active person, outgoing (meaning that I went out most of the time :)), and felt staying at home was kind of a boring activity.
But, since this is my choice, I tried to cope. It wasn’t easy and at first to be honest, I was quite frustrated. But then, eventually things have changed. I found my interest in writing is HUGE. Even though I haven’t had any book published or any article in a magazine (besides Shalom Betawi), but I found the joy in writing. And it doesn’t stop there, I also enjoy sharing my writings.
Then, I focus on this thing. I write Thought of the Day every day. Well, again… this is not my strength that I could do this, but moreoever it’s God who helped me and gave me strength all over again. Sometimes, late at night when I was just so tired taking care of my baby and like my current situation, I need to do all of the household on my own, I sometimes think that I need a break. But, there’s something inside of me, inside of my heart who urged me to stay faithful. No matter what, no matter how, God has been faithful, so it’s my turn to be faithful with whatever He has given to me.
And I’m sure, faithfulness isn’t always about something big… I just want to be faithful even though in the smallest task that He wants me to do… I just want to love Him back with all my heart. He has been so good to me, He has been my hero, friend, God. He is Jesus.

Without a doubt, when I started to focus on Him, I slowly began to get this perseverance. This character usually develops in times of troubles. Within those period of time, I could never imagine that I could manage to do so, write that daily reflection every day without the help of Jesus. He fills my heart with perseverance. Thank God!

And right now, when I listen to the song I Give You My Heart from Hillsongs, once again, my heart is really focus on Him… As I sing…

This is my desire, to honor You
Lord with all my heart I worship You
all I have within me
I give You praise
all that I adore is in You

Chorus:
Lord I give You my heart
I give You my soul
I live for You alone
Every breath that I take
Every moment I'm awake
Lord have Your way in me

Lord, I really want to give You my heart, my soul, and I live for You alone. I just want to adore You and praise You.
Jesus, suddenly while I’m singing this song, I found myself deeply in love with You. Again. All over again.
And I missed those times when I could focus and concentrate on You alone… With all the changes, the adaptation, the adjustments, I could say that… I missed You as well now… I missed You to be a part of me all the time. I miss You and I want to spend more time with You. Without neglecting my current role as a mother and wife- and I don’t see it as a reason why I should stay away from You. I love you much! I really missed those old good times and I’ll be always missing you … So that I couldn’t stay too far away from You. I want to be close to You.
Jesus, I miss You. I’ll always treasure the feeling, so that I can find You and give my sweetest smile for You.
For You are everything in my life. Amen.

Singapore, 13 September 2009
-fon-
* This article is also available at my blog http://fon4jesus.blogspot.com/
picture: http://images.paraorkut.com/img/pics/images/i/i_miss_you-1566.jpg